Wednesday, May 15, 2013

A 2 Ring Feeding Circus


I have mastered the art of feeding Spawn and myself at the same time. It just takes a lot of balancing and careful maneuvering.

Step 1: place baby on boppy with butt hanging into middle, head propped on pillow facing my chest and arms stretched across my chest
Step 2: assemble various meal items: bottle/dinner plate/cup/etc
Step 3: carefully balance bottle either on bare chest (for friction) or cupped in the next of my shirt
Step 4: tuck blankey or burp rag under bottle to give it stability
Step 5: eat and do everything possible not to spill on the baby
Step 6: be so paranoid about spilling on the baby that you inhale your food and almost choke to death. Freak out and check on baby only to find that your panic attack just put him to sleep........
Step 7: grow another white hair...

Monday, May 13, 2013

"Mooo....."

I'm mooing because that's how I feel while hooked up to the electric breast pump. XD

Things in the household are going well. :) So far everyone is adjusting to Spawn's arrival and we're all starting to find our routine's with him in the house now. Dogs and parents are all tired, but we're all very happy to have him here.

All things considered, Spawn is a very easy and happy baby. There were some minor health problems in the beginning, but things all seem fine now and his pediatrician couldn't be happier. He is a picky eater and very lazy, but that's mostly a non-issue.

As for me, I'm starting to adjust to the new routine and am getting ready to start filming clips regularly again. Since delivering, I've filmed three clips and have plans to film more before too long. :)

Other than that, there isn't much else to say at the moment. Things have been mostly uneventful (thank goodness!!!!) and the stuff that has happened, I can't share publicly. All is well though now in terms of health, happiness and all that good stuff. My father is finally back from his deployment and came home in one piece. My brother and his wife will be here to visit some time next month to meet Spawn, so even the extended family is doing well.

It's still up in the air as to when I'll start live camming again but we're ball parking for some time after my post-partum OB appointment. Thank you to everyone for being so patient and supportive during this time. :) So many of you have reached out and given BJ and I advice or other support and we really couldn't be more grateful. We're so glad that after a very difficult and high risk pregnancy that now we're all safe, sound and able to adjust with a wide stretching support system. :) Thanks!!!

Friday, May 03, 2013

Home Free


WE ARE HOME!!! 
BJ, Spawn, and I are all home safely and have all had really nice naps. :D Sadie and Sammy are thrilled with their new sibling and have been on their absolute best behavior all day. I think they may be afraid that Mommy may leave them again if they misbehave, lol, even though that’s not the case.
All of us are well and very pleased with adjusting into our new routine. :) Thank you to everyone who has supported us thus far and to those who still are/will. 
In other amazing news, we have MORE than doubled my highest earning month record EVER on clips4sale. :D You guys have made this THE most amazing month of my life. Not only can I take it easy and focus all of my energy on Spawn for the month, I now have enough to pay ahead basic bills for at least 2 months. I cannot express my gratitude in all of this. :)
It was an incredibly difficult pregnancy, riddled with complications, labor was brutal and a lot faster than anyone expected and I am so happy now that I can relax and recover before getting back to camming again. :) Really, thank you to everyone in my support system. All of you have been invaluable.

Spawn's birth: Spawn was born just before noon on the first of May after a very fast and stressful labor. He weighed 7 pounds and 4 ounces. Aside from some complications on my end that were quickly resolved thanks to my amazing doctor, Spawn and I are both very well and everything is ideal at the moment. :) I'm healing like I should and aside from some minor jaundice, Spawn is growing like he should. If things keep up, I'll have a 6 foot, 200 pound son who's stronger, healthier and broader than an ox within 18 years. :D

Monday, April 29, 2013

37 Weeks and 6 Days

That's where we're at right now and we may not go any farther. :D When doc checked me at our OB appointment today we were dilated to a 3 and there's only one way to go from there. That's a 10 and then delivery. :) There's a REALLY good chance we could go tonight or tomorrow.

If all fails though and we don't go into labor naturally before next Monday, doc will be doing an oh so lovely procedure to speed things up at our next appointment. Let's just say it's not fun and pretty gross. O.o But hopefully it won't come down to that!

So far I've taken black kohosh and milk of magnesia to speed things up a bit. We also made sure to take our time and really stroll through WalMart to get my contractions started again. REALLY hoping that things get moving and we go tonight since doc is on call. If that doesn't work, then tomorrow morning I start alternating castor oil and milk of magnesia. :S That will be fun..... Here's hoping the next time I post back here it will be because we've delivered. :) Using positive affirmations and the law of attraction. This IS going to happen!

See you guys on the other side. :D

Saturday, April 27, 2013

The Truth

I was thinking to myself and I felt I needed to be honest for a minute. I've been very guarded about sharing any details about my pregnancy and because of that, I find that I'm perpetuating some VERY incorrect stereotypes and generalizations... Hopefully this post can help clear some of them up.

Pregnancy does NOT make you super horny. In fact, for me it's been the exact opposite. I've been in the mood a total of three times this whole pregnancy and that mood only lasted 5 minutes.... I did not act on it either because I was way too tired, nauseous and had to pee really bad. In all actuality, I feel disgusting, my body hurts and I'd just rather not be touched at all.

That so called glow that people keep saying I have, bullshit. There is no glow. That sheen radiating off of me is sweat and grease because my body has ramped up production of both by ten fold. It's also giving me major acne all over that's loads worse than it ever was pre-pregnancy. That "glow" could also be mistaken for my constant nausea. It isn't that bad since they gave me the steroids in February, but it's still there, just not constant. Before the steroids, I had lost over 23 pounds because I just couldn't eat and when I did, nothing stayed down. They had to hospitalize me once for dehydration and malnutrition before they put me on Phenergan and Zofran; only the Phenergan controlled the intense nausea a tiny bit.

The hormones are real though. They just don't make me horny. I cry constantly. I just got off the phone with BJ and I started crying over a cheeseburger. A cheeseburger! Does anyone else hear how ridiculous that sounds? Really?! I couldn't help it either. I tried to stop crying and that just made it worse. Then after I stopped crying about the cheeseburger, I started crying because I scared Sadie and Sammy. They're both upset that I was crying so they're sitting in the corner together and trying to be on their best behavior. They're not doing anything wrong and I'm crying my ass off about it. There's proof of the hormones.

I'm sure everyone's heard about the 'pregnancy boobs' too. Bullshit on that too! They might be bigger, but they hurt with a power that I cannot describe. It feels like someone's cut my nipples off with a rusty knife and made a shoddy attempt at sewing them back on lopsided. Oh yea, they're WAY asymmetrical now. They were wonky before but now.... It's like they're not even my own boobs.

The pressure! Good jeebus is feels like someone's hung weights off my pubic bone and pelvis. Walking hurts! And then add to it Spawn's kicks to my bladder and I often end up literally doubled over and crying. My hips are separating and instead of just going out like they're supposed to, one of them is turning. There's only so far I can walk before I have to stop because it feels like my legs are going to fall off. Add in that Spawn's head is pinching my sciatic nerve....Well that's pretty much the reason I don't leave the house alone anymore. Never know when it will pinch really hard and I could end up falling down and hurting myself.

If all of that wasn't enough, I'm also dealing with hair loss, diabetes and numbness in my extremities. My hair has been falling out in clumps since day one. My body is swollen and puffy all over from the diabetes and it makes my toes and fingers look like little, painful, purple sausages. Oh and because Spawn is laying on my spine, I often lose all feeling in my arms and legs. As I type this, my whole left side is tingly and going numb. There's not anything I can do to fix it either. Standing and moving puts me at risk of falling because I can't feel my leg or use my hand to grip onto something. All I can do is shift positions and hope the feeling comes back soon.  The doctors said if the numbness doesn't stop after delivery then it's possible that Spawn caused something to get pinched and it could either be permanent or I'll need some kind of medical help to get it fixed. Those sure sound fun!

The best part of all is that this wonderful bundle of joy has tried to kill me multiple times and because he needed steroids to live, I'm covered in purple zebra stripes that will be here for the rest of my life. In the end, it's worth it though. For him. If it wasn't for him then none of this would be worth it. I'm ready for him to get here and not be inside my body anymore. I'm extremely thankful that due to all of the complications that I'll never be able to get pregnant again after he's safely on the outside.

The character that Elizabeth Banks plays in What to Expect When You're Expecting accurately describes some of what I've gone through. You can never really prepare for a complicated or high risk pregnancy, but if you make it through with your child safely in one piece on the outside then it just makes the whole thing seem like one bad dream.

So there you have it. Pregnancy sucks. It's not fun. Being faced with my own mortality and almost losing my son multiple times has not been easy. I don't feel like a better person because of all of this. I feel very selfish and really guilty because I've put my son through hell before he even got here. I don't feel like some empowered, strong, wonderful being that's creating life. I feel like a failure who's conned too many people by not speaking up. I still haven't shared the scarier details of my pregnancy, but that's mostly because I don't feel comfortable sharing something that private. The next time you see your mother, have a little compassion and be appreciative of her. Maybe she's made mistakes, but she probably went through a lot to give life to you.

^^ This accurately describes quite a bit about my pregnancy^^

Monday, April 22, 2013

Naked Pictures!

Just added TONS of new pictures under my Pictures and Videos tab, you should go check them out. :D They're definitely worth looking at AND there's a free video of my boobs.
http://blackxxxrose.blogspot.com/p/content-from-rosebush.html

Blogging Absentee

So things have been crazy and I've let this blog go by the wayside. In my list of top priorities, it just wasn't one.

The plan from now on is to cross post certain posts from my tumblr to here. :) That shouldn't be too hard, hopefully. Lol!

Basic run down of the pregnancy: we had A LOT of complications in February and March which is why I was unable to post. The hospital internet had blogger as one of their blocked sites so there was no way for me to access this and post anything. The good news is that I'm obviously out of the hospital and we're now back in the low-moderate risk range for a typical pregnancy. :) There are a few things still going on, but they're minor and nothing life threatening at the moment. Yay! We'll be delivering any day now, hopefully this week or next. That's about all I can say publicly about the pregnancy though. All the specific details are in my baby blog and that does get updated regularly because I can send texts from my phone to post there like an email. :)

To apologize for being awol due to 'life complications', here are some of the maternity pictures I've got posted on my tumblr. :) With any luck I'll be blogging a bit more before we deliver and then afterwards. That's the game plan as of yet, but babies tend to through your plans out the window for their own so it's all guestimation at this point. Lol. Enjoy!














Tuesday, January 29, 2013

The Bird is the Word

Title is of no relation to this post. BJ just thought it would be a funny title. :)

We've officially reached the age of viability in our pregnancy and though we've still got some complications, we're now in the 'safe zone'. Hooray!

Hmm, well, that was a lot shorter than I thought it would be. I guess now I have to think up something else to add to this post. Lol, whoops!

Speaking of additions, my latest addition to my toy collection has turned out to be quite fabulous. If you remember from my last post, I bought myself the Fairy Wand Massager for my birthday. It has proven to be a handy toy to have in my arsenal and I am positively thrilled with the multiple speeds it has. It's speeds are controlled by a dial on the handle and I LOVELOVELOVE the fact that is actually has low vibrations. It starts at just above a tickle and goes all the way up to jackhammer-ohmigosh-thisisridiculous! :) So far it's proven amazing on my neck, back and hips, but it's also managed to prove itself when the panties come off too.

Let's put it this way, BJ is a very happy fellow when it comes to owning this toy. It's turned our favorite position into one that's now so much easier to orgasm in. He actually offered to hold the toy AND do the thrusting! :D Well hello orgasm! Sure it's pink, but he said the color is not an issue if it helps bridge the gaps in our sex life that my endometriosis and chronic vaginal pain caused. Sounds like this one's a winner with everyone in our house. :) Now if only I could decide what I want to get myself for Valentine's Day! They're having a bunch of Valentine's Day sales so I'm sure I'll be able to find something to help me take advantage of that.

Unfortunately my search for maternity lingerie (or lingerie that I can wear comfortably while pregnant) hasn't been as awesome as my latest toy finds. Surprisingly I was able to find a winner in the Perfect Pleasure Chemise though. BJ and I both found it to be sexy, which is rare because we almost never agree on lingerie styles. He prefers 'supa skanky' (his words, not mine) and I prefer something more on the classic side. Luckily for both of us, EdenFantasys carries a wide variety of styles and sizes so we can find something to fit both of our preferences. Here's hoping after Spawn arrives that I can get in shape so we can try our hand at a few of the corsets they have in stock.

As far as my camming ventures are going, they've mostly come to a stand still. It's impossible to plan for every step in a pregnancy and we've hit enough bumps that live camming has had to go by the side again. I'm still active on clips4sale and am now active and booking private shows on mygirlfund since camming on streamate has proven to be tricky. I'd prefer to have a regular camming schedule and be on cam every weekend, but life has decided differently for me. Hopefully none of you hold it against me though and instead take advantage of my awesome clips and private shows instead.

Anyways, as I was typing all of this BJ thought it would be a good idea to try and hair gel Sammy's tail into a pitch fork shape. O.o Looks like my time on the internet is up while I go try to get the hair gel out of my poor puppy's fur. Thank goodness Sadie is hiding so I don't have to worry about her too. Ah! My life is a never ending spiel of shenanigans!

This week's video blog!


THIS POST IS SPONSORED BY EDEN FANTASYS AS PART OF THEIR EDEN LOVES BLOGGERS PROGRAM. You can find more information here: http://www.edenfantasys.com/eden-loves-bloggers/

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Saturday, January 12, 2013

Happy Birthday to Me!

I'm officially 21! Woot! Today has been super awesome and I'm so grateful to all of you who have sent me birthday wishes and gifts. :D I was able to relax and really enjoy today without any stress or shenanigans and I really couldn't have asked for a better day. :)

As you can guess, I wasn't able to make it on cam today due to some minor pregnancy complications. Because of this I've rescheduled my cam birthday party for tomorrow evening and I hope you'll all join me then. :) I hope everyone's had a wonderful day!

A special thanks goes out to Jupiter, LilyMarie, LacieL and DoctorVen for the awesome birthday presents!!!




Thursday, January 10, 2013

Birthdays, Doggy Day Spas and Deployments

Tomorrow is my 21st birthday. Today my dad got on a plane to go on his last deployment before he retires from the army. He is on a plane, in the air, headed overseas right now... He wasn't here for my 10th, 13th, 16th or 18th birthdays and now he won't be here tomorrow. We rescheduled it for Sunday, the 6th, but it's never quite the same. He won't be here for his birthday either. I miss my dad.

If he can't come home in one piece then I at least want him to come home with stumps that are long enough to hug his grandson. He's Sammy's favorite person in the whole world too so I know Sammy will be devastated if he doesn't get his Pappaw back in one piece. My baby's not going to understand why he only gets to see Gramma now and not his Pappaw.  You can't explain stuff like deployments to a dog. At least the spawn isn't here yet and isn't old enough that we don't have to explain this to him.

Deployments suck. I want my dad back.



On the plus side, Sadie and Sammy are going to the doggy day spa in less than 2 hours. It's going to be BJ's birthday present to me. Sadie loves the day spa and would stay all day if they'd let her. She usually comes home with extra goodies because all of the groomers and staff at Petco love her and she just eats up all the attention. :) Sammy, on the other hand, has never gotten a bath by anyone but me, not even BJ has given him a bath before. I am incredibly nervous about leaving him. I've only been away from him 3 times since we brought him home last February. He's supposed to be BJ's dog, but really he's a Mommy's boy. :) I'm sure it will all be fine though and he'll love the attention and pampering. With Sadie staying with him there's a good chance he'll be totally fine and I'll be the one crying while trying to run errands. Here's hoping! BJ and I really need the alone time to get stuff done and they both really need a good bath since I'm now too big to bathe them myself.

Wish me luck that my babies do well today at the day spa and my dad stays safe while overseas. I could use the extra smiles to keep me from crying today and tomorrow. :)